Wednesday, March 3, 2010
My very first post for this year will be about the undescribable experience of becoming a mum. Why undescribable? Because no matter how much you describe it or words you use, nothing can sincerely give life to the experience.
Wonderful? Fantastic? Magic? Unreal? Ecstasy? Fear?... All these words are only a pinch of emotions you go through from the 1st month of pregnancy to the 9th one.
I think that almost every little girl has played 'la case zouzou' when she was a kid. Dolls, tea cups, dressing up and feeding the kitten or puppy (as if it was your baby), wearing mummy's make up and making a mess of it, trying to walk with high high high heels! As a kid I dreamt of the charming prince, of becoming a mum, cooking food for my kids etc..the whole lot!
As I grew up, the idea of getting married and having a kid became terrifying. What if Mr Right was not Mr Right afterall? Having a kid? Wow! The pain, all the stories you hear about the delivery etc...Biology classes seem so easy..yet cousins, aunts and friends never let go of you without complaining about how much they had to cry, the pain, the injections etc...pfff!!!
Finally I got married and thank God, Mr Right is still Mr Right up to now. Do you know that even after 3 years of marriage I still could not believe I was married to Michel. Why? That's another long story. So, still getting used to the idea of being married to the man of my life, I was pregnant! Cool!!! Much awaited event...
Months 1-3 : HELL of nausea. No throwing up but pfff!!! Could not stand the sight nor smell of food... However, even nausea could not overcome the joy of having a tiny little human being inside me. First time we (Mich and I of course) saw it, the baby was a tiny dot.
I remember the first time we heard it's heart beat. Will never forget it, never...It was life inside me...it was alive and it had a heart...beating fast...beating to survive... I had tears in my eyes. Wanted to cry... laugh... scream... don't really know, but it was magic..definately magic.
Months 4-6 : Back to eating normally. pfff...
'Crustacea' that's how i called the baby when i saw it. It looked like a shrimp. We could clearly see the spinal column and it looked like a shrimp :)
Now I was talking with it everyday, singing and even dancing with the baby inside me. Kicks? Oh mine was real good at it! 'Direct du droit' 'direct du gauche'...kick here..kick there...I got it all! Feeling it move inside you, hoping and praying it's normal and getting enough food from you...
Months 7-9 : I went through HELL... Nausea and throwing up like 3-5 times per day and after each meal! Very few women fall ill in the last stage of pregnancy and I had to be one of the very few :(
Now, delivery...pfffffffffff!!! from 1.30 pm to 5p.m... and tada! a 3.5kg 52cm baby! But believe me, contractions are real hell...oh trust me!
Thank God I had the support of Michel. He was an awesome husband...helping and taking care of me when I was ill, dealing with my impatience, my anger and mood swings during my pregnancy and most of it on the delivery day...poor dear!
2 MONTHS today...my little angel is 2 months old today. Though my nights are spent pacifying her and my day coping with her feeding and diappers, Tasya remains my life. I cannot imagine my life without her anymore. Becoming a mum has turned my emotions to the max. When she cries I have tears in my own for I do not know what is wrong with her. When she sleeps, I cannot stop myself from observing her breathing, her cute little hands, her nose, her eyes...and love it when she smiles during her nap.
So many questions you wish you had answers for. I am not the first nor the last mum on Earth, but I know that I am ready to protect my baby from anything or anyone, even if it means putting my life at risk.
Sometimes I wonder how some people can kill their babies. Such a little cute human being. I can only think of hugging, cuddling, loving, cherishing, protecting my baby...yes, even when she is screaming at 2a.m. Ok, I admit there are times my patience is almost over, yet I will never hit Tasya.
Tasya, an angel...my angel...and for me, the most beautiful baby in the world. Yes, I think that all mums think the same and those who don't have a big problem. No matter how my baby is, she is and remains the most wonderful baby in the whole universe in my eyes. Some mums complain about how their babies look like, their skin colour, their eyes, their hair etc... What the hell??? A baby is a baby, no matter what..
2 months already and still a long very long way to go i hope :)
Proud mum signing off for 2day :)